The Floral Hustle

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Hello Flower friends. It is Mother's Day and so I am doing a special episode, , 'cause tomorrow is the day after Mother's Day when this episode will release, and I wanted to talk about. Tips for being a mom in business. And this is something it's, it's really interesting, uh, in the floral CEO Mastermind and most of the people who I've coached one-on-one, I coach a lot of moms, a lot of moms that are business owners, a lot of moms that are florists and , there's a common theme.

Feeling stretched thin. , never really creating any space for yourself. Feeling overwhelmed, feeling like, I don't know how I'm gonna do this. All feeling like your life is an epic shit show. And with me being a mom to two beautiful, amazing children who were. Very, very different. And I've had a completely different motherhood experience with, with both of them.

Um, not only from the start, from like having them, uh, and having a horrible birth with. Bella that I was in labor for four days. I had five epidurals. I went into labor early, so she was born at 35, I think it was like 34 in five days and she was in the nicu. Her dad is an epic piece of shit and like left in the middle of it.

My mom was screaming at. The OB or I had a midwife, so she was like screaming to get an OB 'cause she's just like, this is ridiculous. My daughter is tired and just give her a C-section. And I, you know, so after four days, like this little girl who completely changed my life at 35, you know, came and I just was like my life.

Completely changed. I remember how everything changed. 'cause I previously was this free person who kind of lived on my own terms. I was successful, I was responsible. I, but I also went and dated every tattooed bad boy. I went and rode my motorcycle till three in the morning if I fucking wanted to. I went and got a tattoo if I wanted to.

I went and got a piercing if I wanted to. I like. Went shopping if I wanted to. Like, I made all these decisions that weren't like mom obviously centric. And so when Bella came, it was like this rude awakening of like, I needed to really grow up. I needed to, uh, become this better version of myself for her because like my world just revolved around her.

And then after her. And her father and I like, had split. She was, he tried to do the stay at home dad thing and it was just a disaster and I was working hard. I went back to work right away because I was the primary breadwinner and just like, it was just this epic shit show. And around age two is when we really started to figure out, um, I actually.

Went to the pediatrician, she wasn't really talking. They told me to go get a hearing test. They told me to go, uh, get Bella checked out 'cause her hearing was fine with the We and Grow program and which is a state funded program that, you know, helps with early intervention with kids. And from that process is.

You know, they're going through and telling me all these scores. They slid across this piece of paper and said, and we think your daughter has autism. And it was like the most crushing moment of my life. And I remember sitting at my table and I remember them sending me this, like just sliding me this piece of paper and like just feeling like so crushed because I didn't know a lot about it.

I didn't. I couldn't fix it. It was something that was just gonna be here to stay. Like all I wanted to do was help her. And it was just like this crazy ass moment. Um, and then like shortly after my mom had passed away and it was just like this big domino in my motherhood that was just like, you know, a custody battle and just.

Craziness. And now she doesn't see her dad and so we just have this very special bond. And I love being her mother, even though she is so complicated. And if you look in the grand scheme of motherhood and a motherhood that someone could have, like I've had a pretty tricky ride. We went and I just like dove into helping her.

Uh, in any way that I could when she, um, you know, when we first got the autism diagnosis, like I had to go and get her an educational autism d um, diagnosis because those are two separate things, which is so weird and educational. Versus I had to learn how to start navigating IEPs. I had to learn how to start navigating, advocating for her, how to get her specialists, how to do everything like my life.

Was very encompassed in her growth, but during this whole time, I still built my business. And this was what, with being single, I was still growing my business, taking care of her, being single, not having a mom like I, I see so many mom moms that have moms or grandparents that are helpful. Like I didn't have that and it was still able to happen.

Without that, without that backup because I made sure that I was prioritizing kicking ass and taking names and growing my business, feeling successful. 'cause that was so important to me that I really felt like I was moving forward successfully. And I really just wanted to get her as much help as I could so that I could never look back.

'cause I know as. As a mom, you probably have like, I will never do that with my kids. I will be a better mom. I will be a better parent. I would never do that. Like there are so many of those moments in my life and I often will make decisions that basically are like in the opposite directions of anything that I feel felt when I was little.

And it's kind of funny, like. Whenever I'm going through a mental exercise of like, what's the best next move? I'm like, will one of my kids end up in therapy and discuss this exact moment? And that is how I know like which direction? Because if we're going to be somewhere and making a decision, I wanna make that decision that is the healthiest and most supportive.

Of my kiddo that I possibly can, but doing all these things is hard work. Being a mom is hard work. You are often exhausted. You deprioritize yourself. You prioritize everybody else's happiness, and then you feel like you're frustrated with yourself because you're trying to build a business on the leftovers.

And I, at the age of 40 was having Bodhi, my now 6-year-old son, and I was like done. I was like, I can't do the full-time job. I can't do raising a baby. I can't do doing and building my own business all at the same time anymore. And like I just cracked. I was like, I just can't. I was having, this was in the midst of going through a very like, just disgusting custody battle.

Like he would send 15 messages to my lawyer that said basically what a horrible person I was and you know, whatever. And would just rack up lawyers' bills like it was just. A Tuesday afternoon to be an asshole. And it was just like this, this thing that I just went through this moment and like I'm like, I want to really be and have a different motherhood with Bodhi.

I want to have a different life than I am now. I loved my corporate job, I loved the owner of that company, but I didn't love a lot of the changes that they made. So with the support of my soon to be husband. I went all in on my business and I went all in on being the different kind of mom that I wanted to, but thi that was an evolution that like for you to just shift your life.

I went through this like complete identity crisis and I used to feel important. I used to have this important job that I would go in and close. High dollar deals. I would be the person who, if something happened, that person was calling to bitch about whatever had happened. I was the person who was going in and, and doing the projections and coaching the sales team.

I was doing all the things and then all of a sudden I'm changing diapers and making flowers and like it just felt so off. And I went through this period of time where I like just took on everything because I'm not working full time. I should just be crushing it, everything, because I took this thing out and it just like wasn't gelling.

And so I started to go through, you know, and just really stepped back and looked. I was like, what doesn't feel good? And what do I need to change to make this feel good? And so I met with a couple. I actually joined a creative business owners mastermind. Who she was a creative, um, a career fulfillment coach.

And so she really dove into your purpose. And, and I knew my purpose was flowers, but like how everything else came together was just fuzzy. And so I was in there. I of course went to therapy, you know, all the things going through being a mom again at age 40 and having a special needs kiddo, losing my mom.

Um, just going through all of these big changes, leaving corporate America, like, I kind of came to a point that I was like, I am done taking care of everybody else and I need to really start digging into how I am going to care of myself to be the best version I can for my kids, for my husband. And that is a really tricky step because you're always just like, when is enough?

Enough? So here are some of the things that, like through this kind of metamorphosis over time that I went through, that I really think that many of these things supported me in moving forward in not only the motherhood that I wanted, but the business that I wanted, the life that I wanted. And so the first thing I wanna talk about is that you deserve more.

I hear from so many moms in coaching that they're stuck in saying that like, you know, my kids need this, my, this person needs this, and then they leave nothing for themself. How are you going to even be a mom on an empty tank if you don't like have something just for you? Something just for yourself?

Like, I hear people all the time, they're like, I'm, I'm just a mom. You cannot be just a mom because if you are just a mom, you are going to be stuck. And, and when your kids leave later in life, you are gonna have nothing else. You need something that has fire, that has spark, that has purpose, that has, and like your kids can give you purpose.

Your kids can give you spark, but they can't be the only thing. The floral business to me is my more, it's the more I deserve. I deserve to have something to myself. I deserve to have something special that I love. I deserve to have something special that I wanna grow. And most people that I've coached, they're always like, you know, the, the floral business is, is like just this.

Hopes and dreams and backdoor wishes of what they would like to build. But if they started putting mom first, and Moms truly started believing she deserves more than just being a mom and just maintaining the status quo, just doing the minimum, then things are going to change. Like you need to know you deserve more.

And when you deserve more, you should want more. I have very fucking high expectations for my life. I have very ex high expectations for the people in my life. Like I, I don't tolerate stupidity, bullshit. I don't like, I just don't need it. And so I've curated the people that are around me to people who I know are, are supporting me.

Okay. And my husband wants me to, to win in life and business more than anybody in the world. And if you don't have that, you need to start having the conversations to get them on the same page, because without that, you are going to be constantly like earning, yearning for that more, but then you're pushed back afoot every time and you deserve more than that.

The second thing is, no one is perfect. I manage chaos. I am the, I am the Mayor of fucking chaos Bill in my house right now. It is completely torn apart. There's cabinet doors that were taken off that I need to take outside. There are shoes all over the floor. The dog dish needs to be filled. Bodie's, toys are fucking everywhere.

Um, there's a ladder randomly in the kitchen. I don't understand. Like there's boxes everywhere. We've packed shit up. Like all these things are happening like, but I am not perfect and I am not going to sacrifice my mental health or whatever, cleaning for five hours tonight, so that I look like I'm perfect.

I could give. So many less fucks than anybody else probably about this. If for some reason somebody doesn't like how my house looks, they can leave. It is not perfect. It is often chaos. I have two smaller children. I have two dogs. I have a husband that works a lot like I am one person. And I will do what I can, but I'm not gonna do it to my detriment.

And I hope you feel that too. No one is perfect, and if somebody has expectations of you being perfect, then that person does not need to be in your space. All right. The next thing is I want you to celebrate the wins. I think one thing that. It's, we are as moms are often as women in general, are often horrible at as just going like, God, this was so good, this good thing happened.

And really settling into like the joy, the excitement, the whatever of that thing that happened. So, um, one thing that was just really interesting is that I. I do these beautiful workshops and I often, like, I'm just staring at the photos and I'm enamored in that. And you know, I'm talking to my husband about the next one and about how I wanna create a completely different experience.

And you know, he's just like, Jen, whatever you put together for your workshop is going to be beautiful and. Okay. Every single one of these workshops, and I would say I didn't sell as many tickets as I want. Every single one of these workshops that you've had has been beautiful, has helped people, because I wanna help people be more successful with portfolios that support the person that they wanna be with.

Uh, like just the knowledge it takes to go out and kick ass in their business. I want them to be able to ask me any question and it's like, I have been where they are and help them grow the business. And he's just like, Jen, look at the workshops you've done. And so we just like stepped back and I thought, just talked through.

My Floral Rockstar Retreat, because that's what I'm now planning the second one of and how amazing that was. And then putting together the, um, you know, the last couple workshops I did, the installation Rockstar, the business bouquets and branding. I mean, there's it just so many good things. And he was just like, Jen.

Yeah, like you should celebrate that. And so in your business, like you need to celebrate those things. But as a mom, like you need to celebrate the wins in your motherhood. I often have wins because so much of, you know, having a kiddo with autism so much is measured educationally. Um, physically, uh, because she's going through early puberty, all these things and like I was just thinking through, we went and did, um, her IEP, which is called an independent education plan, and we go through that once a year and we talk about the things and like my daughter has caught up to her peers.

She is always, always, always been one year behind. And I've always been like, how are we not doing more because we're a one year behind? And you know, like when they told me that she had caught up, I was just like, oh my God, this is amazing. Like you guys, like we need to celebrate this because we've been having this meeting for the last five years.

And actually I had an abundant amount of IEPs because. We had to transfer to, um, an online school during COVID because we weren't going back and they were forcing people to go back. So I have, I've done like dozens of them at this point. 'cause Bodhi also has an IEP for speech and I just was like, we need to pause because you guys, like, she's at grade level.

And I, I, I just don't think that. We celebrate those wins. And then what was really touching after that is because we kept her home for two and a half years of, of Covid. And when she returned, and you know, obviously it's like her same care team, they were like, Jenny, she's here because how you pushed her and you helped her and you did all the things that a parent is supposed to do.

That's why she's here. She isn't the shy little girl that could barely talk anymore because of you. And like that just was a moment. I was like, they were like, you did everything right to help her be successful. You did everything. A right to help her win at whatever that is. And it was just like this really big moment because this is her last year with these people.

And so I think that it was just like this grand, you know, more grand conversation of like just, I felt really seen that they, they see all the work that it took and that I did the work because I want the best for her. Yeah, so that's the next thing that I wanna talk about is getting help. This is another thing that I think as women, as mothers, we are horrible about.

We deserve help. We deserve different variations of help and help might look different right now than it does in two, two weeks. But as a business owner, I'm preaching it again. We cannot build a business on an empty cup. So if your parents need to take your kids one night a week so that you can work on your business, then that's what needs to happen.

If you need to hire a babysitter, if you need to get your husband, some husbands need to just get off their ass and help, and you deserve to have the help. I have help in a lot of different facets of my business. I have help washing buckets. I have help pulling. Hard goods. I have help with processing. I have help in different areas because I know with that help that I can accomplish greater things.

Um, we have had our, our current part-time nanny, I have a very part-time nanny, um, that helps with cleaning a little bit. She just magically knows where everything is. It is amazing. So like, I usually can call or text her and be like, Bodhi is looking for this, and she will know where it's. So getting help, even though there is an expense to it, you cannot do everything in your business.

It is just not possible. So get help, you will be more successful every time I've leveled up with the amount of support my business has grown commensurate to that. So you, the revenue will come, I swear to you. Then the next one is, you shouldn't have to do everything. And this is my mentality somewhat around the get help, but this is maybe more loaded towards your partner.

I have coached a lot of different female florists who have partners who believe that it's basically their job to just take care of the kids. And that it's their job to take care of everything, and so then they feel like they're asking for a favor or a break to do anything in their business. It is really hard to build a business in that manner, like near impossible.

What the fuck is somebody thinking that's just not happening? So if that is you, you. Sometimes you just need to have a very strong conversation with your partner that you need help more support, and here's why. This is what the long game is. This is what I wanna accomplish. This is what I want most in my life.

Can I count on you? Can I count on your support? Because if they're straight up saying they can't, then. Like I would straight up be saying then this might not be the right fit. I love you, but should not be one of those. I love you, but moments this should be, I love you and how can I support you better? I love you and I am so excited for the next, next journey in your life.

I am so excited to see what you're gonna build in your business. Like that's what we need to be hearing. We need. Total fricking band girl in on all the amazing things that you're going to be doing. All right. I had a business coach once that said to keep my kids quiet, to preferably not do consults around them and not share that I was a mom.

And that is so far from my world. Um, I live my motherhood. I am very much a part of my motherhood. If somebody wants to meet with me when my nanny is not here and it's out of normal business hours, my children might say, hello. And that is what you get with me. That is me because I am a mom. Um, if you want me to do something crazy, that is during a time where I have to do something with my children.

Also, I'm a mom. And like that is a big part of who I am, why I am doing this. I am not working a 40 hour week because I'm a mom, because I wanna be able to take care of my kids because I want to get them off the bus. 'cause I want, if they're sick, I can be home. All of those things. So like it builds so much.

I, I would say really just like. This identity of you as this business owner. If you layer in being a mom, so many people are going to identify it with that or they're going to respect that As long as you don't look like a hot mess, if as long as you don't have some hot mess mom syndrome going on, I think that you will be fine.

Like just little bits like we don't need to just like expose our children everywhere, but little things are. So cute, and people connect with you on that on another level, so really consider that. All right. Then the last one is, give yourself grace. We're so fucking hard on ourself that it is unfair that.

Yeah, we give other people grace, but we never give ourself grace. So the kids are sick. You didn't get something done, you didn't get a proposal over to somebody and you really need to, but you just don't know. Like give yourself a little grace and just feel like, you know what? Tonight I'm just gonna snuggle my kids.

Tomorrow I'm gonna do the proposal. That is grace and you deserve it. Like. And if you need to like email the person, say, you know what? My kids have been sick and I'm so sorry. I'm really excited to do your proposal, but I haven't had time yet, so I'm, I'm planning on, as long as nothing further happens and they're starting to get better, I'm planning on working on it tomorrow.

Like, somebody's gonna respect that. And if they don't, they're not your client. If I have people who are just assholes, no thank you, I don't wanna work with you. If you can't understand. That being a mom is, is kind of more important than your fucking proposal. So I hope some of those tips helped and helped make The story of being a mom is not clear.

Cut crystal. It is. Can be broken. And like, I mean today, final story of my children. Today we go to a restaurant for Mother's Day. Horrible service. Horrible, horrible, horrible. It's really close to our new farm, and so I was all excited thinking like, this is like, the menu looks good. It took forever, and Bodhi started getting antsy and then they just kept being slow, so, so, so, so, and then we were bringing two food items back to two people that were helping on the farm and.

They must have forgot to put 'em in because they came out three different times, telling me it was gonna be 10 more minutes. So finally I just let the kids leave and I'm driving back and all of a sudden I get a FaceTime from Bodhi and he tells me that the golf cart was crashed, um, that Bella crashed it, and the golf cart is my neighbor's, so not ours.

And I'm like, I don't understand what's happening. What do you mean? So that turns into something happened where they were pretend driving and somehow Bodhi turned out a key and he literally, like, they, they blew through the fence and they bent the, um, steering rod or something, a tire rod or something because the tires are buckled in and it was not drivable afterwards.

Also banged out the front light. So it had to have a skid steer, pick it up and bring it back to my neighbor's farm. So when that happened, I was like, you know what? Shit happens. Like it is what it is. I can get super upset. I could get super sideways. I could yell at the boys for not supervising them accordingly.

I could do all those things, but like a little bit of grace. It's Mother's day. I don't need to yell at anybody. They pretty much know how fucking dumb this is and that this was ridiculous. So I'm just gonna be calm. I'm gonna comfort my kids. I went and snuggled Bella 'cause she actually physically got hurt.

She ran into a fence post and it is easy. It's like it's not the end of the world. And another one of my most favorite kind of phrases is, everything is figureoutable. We'll figure out how to fix the golf cart. We'll figure out how to fix the fence. We'll figure out how next time going forward how we maybe just don't operate these without an adult present or something.

You know, they're that. We just gotta revisit the rules. Well, thank you so much for listening, flower Friends, and you have an amazing flower filled day. 📍