The Floral CEO

 

Hello flower friends. This is Jen, and on this week's episode we are going to mix it up. I'm actually going to do a life coaching focused episode, and if you don't know, I am a certified life mindset coach and I got certified because I often feel if. There is a business problem if you are, you know, kind of failing not to like meet your goals and things like that.

Often there is a connection with like a lot of that has been happening in our life or there's a lot of things in our life that are affecting or holding us back and I wanna talk about one of those things and it's probably not gonna be what you think it is and it is really. Sticking up for yourself and the mindset that we have the right to take up space, ask questions, and.

To really feel good in where we're at and I'll, I'll clarify where this comes from. I think a lot of time, the majority of you that are listening are women. There might be some men and hello and thank you for listening. But a lot of times we are people, people pleasers. We, we often are trying to take care of everybody else but ourself, and we often do that at the detriment to ourself.

We go around feeling like shit stewing about something somebody said and feeling hurt. And I mean like we could go on and on about the feelings that we all have that could be mitigated with the things that I wanna talk about today. So the first thing I wanna talk about is that it is okay to tell someone.

That something doesn't feel good. This is something that I've really tried to bring into my life. When a situation doesn't feel good, when it feels overwhelming, when I feel like somebody is having shitty behavior, when I feel like a situation isn't being handled very well. When I'm feeling like this fucking sucks, I will.

Begin a conversation, what with, you know, what I just wanted to share with you that this situation hasn't been feeling really good for me. Just think about the impact that that statement has to someone. If somebody came to you and said, you know what, something hasn't really been feeling good, um, about us lately.

Something really hasn't been feeling, uh, good about this situation with this client. The immediate thing that's going to happen is for one, because so many people lack the lady balls to actually say something like that, you are going to get their attention. You are going to get that person to start going.

When somebody's saying something isn't feeling good, it's like a fire alarm goes off and they're listening then, so you have. Change 'cause they could have been in a thought or behavior pattern that was selfish. That was, you know, not serving anybody. Um, potentially could have an agenda or potentially wasn't even listening.

'cause what if you have a spouse that has a DHD or if you have a business partner that has a really hard time focusing because they have, I mean, this is very relevant. If you are dealing with, with someone who is neurodivergent, because I sometimes don't know that I'm not paying attention and it's not trying to be hurtful or anything, but my husband made it aware to me that it doesn't feel good when he feels like I am not focusing on paying attention to him.

And so I've really tried to be cognizant, but if he would've never told me that this doesn't feel good and that he doesn't like it. I would just have continued. So pattern interrupt. You tell the person when something doesn't feel good, and this can be, I have told clients this, you guys, so I know that this is about life, your life and your business intercede.

I have told planners when something doesn't feel good, I have told wedding professionals that I work with when something doesn't feel good, like. You get to dictate what feels good to you and what doesn't, and you also are in control. If something doesn't feel good, you are the one that's allowing it. So that's the next thing I wanna talk about.

Often people are like, I can't believe that this situation happened. I can't believe that this person acted this way. I can't believe they did this to me, believe it or not. You are in control of how people treat you. So you are in control that this, you let this person, you let this person treat you that way.

If somebody is being undeniably shitty to me, you better know that they're gonna know it. That I'm not going to allow that. I'm not gonna allow some kid to treat my daughter that way, which is happening right now, and I have squashed the shit outta the situation. I am not going to allow someone bully my son.

I'm not going to allow somebody to talk to me in a way, and that doesn't make me feel good. I am what I allow. So if something doesn't feel good to you. And it keeps happening. You're letting that happen. I often, I use this example with my daughter when somebody is doing something and she's like, it doesn't feel good.

I don't like it. And I'm like, do you think mommy would let somebody do that to her? And she always answers no. And I was like, you're my daughter. You have the same power, the same strength to say. This is not okay. You are not allowed to treat me this way. You are not allowed to be unkind like that. You are not allowed to be in my fucking breathing space.

If you are going to act like that, we have the power to dictate how people treat us, and we act like we're helpless. We act like we're a victim of our own life. You guys. We absolutely are not. We have the so much more power than we give ourself credit to. You have the power in you to start changing your whole world just by sticking up for yourself, just by speaking out.

Okay? The next one that I want to talk about that really is truly impactful, but takes practice. You guys, when something feels off, doesn't feel good in a situation like. A situation with a friend, a situation with a client, a situation with your spouse. Ask questions like ask curious questions, and also.

Don't be left wondering if you wonder something. And especially as women, we love to take and often, Hmm. Somebody said something to it, something was off about that thing they said and it didn't feel good. And I think that they think this thing, but then we stuff it on down and then we stuff it on down and then we stew.

So we are making the most amazing anger stew. About a situation that could have been stopped in his track by asking questions. So example, I was talking to somebody about their, their job and they're really super upset that, um, this person who is supposed to be their equal, um, is starting to boss them around.

Their boss has told them to take direction from them on a project, and I looked at this person and I was like, and they're pissed about it and it doesn't feel good, and all these things like, because I'm asking questions, I said, sounds like that situation doesn't feel very good to you. And they're like, no, it doesn't feel good at all.

I was like, have you asked them if you were supposed to be reporting to this person? Have you asked them if this person has gotten a promotion that you're unaware of? Have you asked your boss if this re reporting structure in the organization has changed and just seen what they say? And he is like, well, no.

And I'm like, okay. Have you asked if. There is some something on the project that this person is a subject matter expert and that they're leading the project and it's this project that they are leading. Well, it's not just one project. It's a whole bunch of stuff. Okay, that's great. Ask more questions like we have the right to ask questions and we often shut up and stuff, and we let all of these things around us.

Just stew until we're so mentally exhausted that it's hard to do anything about the situation because you've been mentally battling a situation for weeks, and the person in front of you is just hearing about it. Asking curious questions is your way to avoid doing battle, doing mental battle every day, and.

Advocating for yourself right away. Whenever something comes up, instead of going, Hmm, I, I'm a mental, I've had people tell me this. I'm a mental processor and when something happens, I need to stew about it. Okay? Take two minutes. Process. There is nothing like the present. You guys, there is nothing about in a situation, the longer you wait, the situation becomes fuzzier.

And if the situation becomes fuzzier. The details become fuzzier. That person is not in the moment and not going to fucking remember anything. You need to seize opportunity when it's happening, and you need to start to train yourself so that when situations happen, you need to start training your instinct to trust your gut.

To be able to take and just extrapolate whatever you're feeling, whatever questions, whatever is happening right then and there, and ask the questions. An example, uh, let's just say that you have a wedding planner and this wedding planner, um, sent you an email and the tone of the email was complete garbage.

Like, you're like, is this lady. Total B word. Like why does she get, I mean, and she's like yelling at you about, you know, like not being able to be somewhere or, um, not being able to do something in the Klein's budget, whatever. Just yelling at you for something that's ridiculous and you have no idea what they're upset about.

And you, I would stop it in its tracks. I would. Reply and just say, I always start with I am feeling. Then I ask Claire, and so I tell them I'm getting the sense and I'm feeling, um, a tone in this email, but I wanted to make sure that I asked you in case I'm misunderstanding. So we start with how you are feeling, not your being a massive B word.

We're starting with, you know what me, I, in reading your email, I'm getting a tone that you're angry about something, you're upset about, something, you're mad about something. Um, but maybe I'm misunderstanding. So then I've stated that I think there being a total B word in a nice way and Chay boutique can help you write this.

Then I asked them. Am I misunderstanding the situation? Because then that is giving an out in case that was not their intention. So like two really easy things to do. You share what you're feeling, what you sensed, what you took out of a situation, and then you ask, am I understanding this correctly? And then.

Depending on whatever, you know, in that e, same email, I would be like, I really would like to move forward with communication that feels, um, great, because I was super excited to work with you, uh, or I'm super excited to work with you and I've heard amazing things about you and the events that you pull off.

And I just wanna make sure that I'm not reading in, in, into something I. 10 times would appreciate honesty because that planner could have been having a bad day. That planner could have had a very sick little boy on her lap while she was writing that email, and she just got in a fight with her husband and she just had a client that was being completely unreasonable.

Send her an email and you never know where somebody else is at. So that's the next thing that I wanna, um, address. You never know the state somebody else is in. And in this world of anger and so much hate and so much, really just not being able to ever come to an agreement that it's okay that somebody else has a different fucking opinion than you.

I understand some people's views are utterly like crazy and ridiculous and horrible even, but. Us going into a situation, giving someone the benefit of the doubt that we don't know where they were when that exact thing happened, that exact moment. They could have just lost their parent. They could have just lost their kid.

They could have just lost an animal. Um, I mean, like, I even think literally in the last week, I have had. Uh, sick kiddos. Um, at the beginning of the week they did, we got home late from the auction and Bodhi wasn't feeling good and he didn't wanna go to school and on, and I mean, on and on, and just wasn't feeling good.

His tummy's hurt, whatever. Then we had a snow day on Thursday. I've literally been bottle feeding five calves and one baby lamb three times a day. You guys. Then on top of it, I had a wedding. I had my hydrangeas come in very small, and so I had to figure out all these things with flowers. Um, I had, um, snowstorm ice.

Um, I had a helper, have a migraine for several days, and I got to work out only one time last week. Like all these things, like mental fuckery for me, like it was a lot, but. I had a conversation with someone who was a really dear friend and they were upset about a situation that, um, I think is utterly ridiculous, and I think that they're being very unreasonable, but she's completely allowed to feel how she feels and that is her truth, and it's not mine.

And in my truth is completely different. And I know that I would never do something with ill intentions because I'm a good person and I care about people. I care so much about people and what this person, what they thought, and if they would've just asked questions, we would've avoided so much of this.

But because people don't ask questions in the moment, and then they stew. It just gets worse, you guys. So if you're listening to this, I hope you take away a few key points. You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to tell someone that it doesn't feel good, and that maybe even ask, am I misunderstanding this?

You are allowed to have a difference of opinion and that. Doesn't make the other person a bad person or this person a, you know, it doesn't make one of you bad, one of you good. Everybody is allowed to have their own truth, and even two people can be standing in the same exact spot. And here the completely different things from the same source of talking.

Everybody's brain process things different. Everybody soaks something in and then honestly. When you listen to something and you're processing it, you are taking in, um, all of these, like for me, 46 years of potentially that comparable situation, uh, in my life. Over all of these years, that helped form me as a human and as a belief system and as somebody who reacts and has somebody who regulates their emotions and everything.

When you're hearing something, it's not that you're hearing that exact thing. You are hearing everything that led up to that as well. So let's just say that you get an email that. Tells you that you, this person went a different direction and that email and you reading it could be taken completely different by two different Flos based on what's happened to them in the last 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, their whole life, and us knowing that.

This exact situation might not just be this situation. If you guys have been long time listeners to the podcast, I often, you know, draw from things that when I, even when I grew up and my mom, I never felt like I was good enough for her. It was very formative that whenever I feel like rejected. Or anything.

It spirals into this thing that I, I start tearing apart the 15, 20 years, 30 years of feeling that way. And so I'd love for you to look in a situation that you also look at that. I really appreciate you guys listening. Thank you so much for listening, flower friends, and you have an amazing flower filled day.